May 2003

(if you drop in here straight, you need to read the previous parts first to get the whole picture. Start reading with Poetry scam(s), Part I.)

Oh my god! Oh my god! I can't believe it. I don't believe it! I'm so excited! Oh my god!
I received an email from Mr Howard Ely at poetry.com and I just HAVE to share this ultimate achievement of mine with you!
This was what he wrote:

Dear Pietje, (that's my alias, Pietje Puk, remember?)
Several weeks ago, we informed you by mail that our editors have certified your poem "Poor victims" as a semi-finalist in our International Open Poetry Contest. I'm writing to remind you that your poem will automatically be entered into the final competition held in May 2003. As a semi-finalist, you now have an excellent chance of winning one of 104 cash or gift prizes--including the $1,000.00 First Prize. You may even win the $10,000.00 annual Grand Prize! We wish you the best of luck as you compete for these prizes in the coming weeks.
And that's not all...

Pietje... Imagine Your Poem
Featured in a Beautiful Coffee-table Edition!
As I mentioned in my letter, and in celebration of the unique talent that you have displayed, we also wish to publish your poem in what promises to be one of the most highly sought-after collections of poetry we have ever published...

Eternal Portraits, scheduled for publication in Summer 2003, will be a classic, coffee-table quality hardbound volume printed on fine-milled paper specifically selected to last for generations. It will make a handsome addition to any library, a treasured family keepsake, or a highly valued personal gift. And best of all, this magnificent volume will showcase the poetry of Pietje Puk!

NO OBLIGATION WHATSOEVER

Before going any further, Pietje, let me make one thing clear . . . your poem was selected for publication, and as a contest semi-finalist, based on your unique talent and artistic vision. We believe it will add to the importance and appeal of this edition. In this regard, you are under no obligation whatsoever to submit any entry fee, any subsidy payment, or to make any purchase of any kind. Of course, many people do wish to own a copy of the anthology in which their artistry appears. If this is the case, and you have not already obtained your copy, we welcome your order--and guarantee you will be satisfied. Please see your special discount information if you would like to acquire a copy of Eternal Portraits.

SO WHAT HAPPENS NOW?

As I mentioned, your poem has automatically been advanced to the final competition--so you do not need to take further action on the contest at this time. However, regarding the publication of your poetry, if you have not already returned your proof with your approval to publish, you must now proofread your poem, which appears on your Artist's Proof. Please carefully review your poem for typographical errors and make any necessary changes. The Artist's Proof also verifies that "Poor Victims" is your original work of art. And Pietje, let me assure you, your poem remains your property--Eternal Portraits is copyrighted as a compilation. This means that you retain the copyright to your own work of art.
And if you haven't done so already, you must also decide if you would like to have some information about yourself and your poetry included in this elegant edition. In this way, the media and public can gain a greater awareness of your motivations, the meaning poetry has in your life, the story behind your poem, or your personal or philosophical point of view. We have set aside a special biographical section in the anthology for this purpose. And although we must charge a nominal fee for this service, you are under no obligation to include this information. Your poem can be published without it if you wish. Please see your Artist's Proof for further information.

In the meantime, our design department has already begun working on a distinctive layout for the poetry selected for this anthology. But remember, if you have not yet done so, you must complete your Artist's Proof and reply to us as soon as possible. And, if you wish to acquire a copy of Eternal Portraits at the contributor's special pre-publication discount, please complete the appropriate information, also on the Artist's Proof.
Again, congratulations, Pietje. We feel you have a special talent and we believe your poem will add to the importance and appeal of this edition. Your contribution to Eternal Portraits is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
Howard Ely
Managing Editor

P.S. Pietje, you should be genuinely proud of your accomplishment. You have been selected to participate in this very special edition because of your unique vision. It is our pleasure to publish fine poetry such as yours in this historic volume. And, if you decide to order Eternal Portraits, we are so certain that you will love the quality of the edition and the way your poetry is presented, we can proudly offer an unconditional guarantee. If for any reason you are dissatisfied, your money will be promptly refunded.
You may also return the Artist's Proof we previously mailed you if you find that more convenient than ordering online. But either way, we must hear from you within 4 weeks if you wish to be included in this historic poetry edition. If you have already returned your Artist's Proof by mail, you need take no further action to authorize publication.

Oh my god! It's going to be coffee-table quality! And... and... and... I have unique talent and artistic vision! And... and... and... The design department... It's already begun working on a distinct layout! Oh my, oh my!
Well... can I make it more obvious?
This is a bummer, though, because my other poem (Whooopsie) was a lot better. And I wonder why it keeps on disappearing from the poetry.com website. I've resubmitted it now some six times and every time I check back, it's gone *grins*
Owwell... We'll see where this ends. My "Poor Victims" will most likely not be published anyway, since I'm not purchasing the anthology. And thus the publication will be postponed and postponed and postponed...

TO BE CONTINUED!
Continue with Poetry scam(s), Part XI.