Valid XHTML 1.0!

PoetryIn-e-Motion

Drop us a line in the guestbook... Or contact Arno or Anna
Poems and short stories ©   by Arno and Anna unless differently stated (Disclaimer).

I was always very afraid of my room in the darkness. Things that seemed ridiculour in daylight gained credibility when my mother or father switched off the lights and closed the door. I never allowed them to close it completely, though. There always had to be a cushion in-between, so that a ray of light could enter from the living room.

I didn't believe in monsters under the bed as much as in monsters in the closets. I had three wardrobes, all sunk into the wall, and I always checked that they were closed before I went to bed. Still did in my later years at my parents' house, as a habit.

I know where the fear of monsters and spooks in the closet came from. On TV they showed a wonderful series about cute cuddly-bears that lived in the sky in a cloud-paradise. Their earthly friend, a little boy, had monsters in his closet. His father refused to believe him, and switched off the light. The closet door opened, and out came the ghosts, howling and scary. Of course a cuddly-bear saved the boy, but I didn't know any of those bears. I was all alone with my spooks if they decided to come.

So I would go to bed and pull up my covers to my shoulders. For some reason I thought it would make me less vulnerable if someone wanted to hurt me, and for the same reason I also kept my hands under my cover — if someone came with the intention of cutting up my wrists. Of course I could not pull up the cover to my chin, what if someone tried to strangle me with it?

I knew I was a bit paranoid, but I did not realize how much. For me all those fears were as real as the fears I have today. They were always present, lurking in the depth of my mind, like the fears I have now. Maybe the child-me would think my present fears are just as stupid and unnecessary. Maybe all fear is stupid and unnecessary? Maybe we should learn to not fear something we have not yet encountered, and just act when we do encounter it?

On the other hand, if we do not fear, how can we remember to appreciate what we have?